TRADITIONS

Traditions of Japan

• Tom Hirsch • Season 2019 • Episode 13

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TRADITIONS

Podcast Show Notes

Date: Friday, November 22, 2019

Episode:   013

Title:   TRADITIONS

Subtitle:      Traditions of Japan

Length:            00:23:12

Final Show Link:   http://TRADITIONS.buzzsprout.com

In this episode of Traditions we visit Japan.

 If you are a new listener to TRADITIONS, we would love to hear from you.  Please visit our Feedback@YourSpecialDay2.com and let us know how we can help you today!

In this episode we examine some of the differences and similarities between getting married in the United States versus wedding ceremonies in Japan. With an ancient culture drawing upon millennia of customs and development, Japan is the gateway to the orient traveling west across the Pacific Ocean. The past seventy years have witnessed a dramatic exchange of mores and lifestyle between the United States and Japan. Today we enjoy a wealth of Asian beauty brought here from across the sea.

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Q.        The resources below contain links to some outstanding web sites bringing to light eons of Japanese cultural development. Have you found any of them yet? Please share your thoughts.

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Episode #:                                               013

Publication Date:                               November 22, 2019

Episode Length:                                  00:23:12

Host:                                                      Tom Hirsch

URL:                                                       http://TRADITIONS.buzzsprout.com

Show Transcript:                                       www.Your-Special-Day.net/TRADITIONS/

Your Comments:                                       Tom@Your-Special-Day.net


 . . . . . . . and welcome to Episode  ̶  13 of TRADITIONS. 

Well - - - - I called that one right! Episode 12 visited Greece and I guessed it might be even more popular than Episode 4 on Pre-Marital Counseling. My hunch was right. Your interest in the Traditions of Greece is, so far, an all-time winner.  Now we’re off to a beautiful destination about a-third of the way around the world: the spectacular islands of Japan.

I’ll start off with an honest admission:  I believe all brides are beautiful, but when Asian women are beautiful - - - they are stunning! Combine this with the tendency toward “dainty” and “demure” and it’s easy to understand the attraction to that part of the world. Add in the ecologic beauty of the region and its culture and you discover a “work of art.”

For anyone who loves scenic splendor, devotion to ancestors, adherence to tradition, respect for elders, thirst for knowledge and magnificent pageantry it’s hard to beat this small but dynamic country. 

In a modern constitutional monarchy exhibiting dramatic westernized development over the course of the past seventy-five years, visitors are treated to a mesmerizing combination of old-world tradition and modern technological development.

In previous episodes I’ve made a valiant effort to pronounce some of the key words and phrases of wedding traditions, hoping to inject elements of authenticity into the show. I’m afraid the challenges of Oriental languages are somewhat beyond my ken.

Hoping to avoid any insult to the people of Japan, I’m going to try to find a way around most of those challenges and, in fact, take a whole different approach to this episode that, I expect, will result in an abbreviated show.

Marriage in Japan is a legal and social institution at the center of the household. Couples are legally married once they have made the change in status on their family registration sheets, without the need for a ceremony. In modern Japan the average marriage age of men is 31  ̶   and 29 for women.

Centuries ago, when physical labor was so highly valued, the groom would live with the bride’s family, donating his labor for a period of time. This was called muko-iri. By the 14th century this was largely replaced by the custom of the woman instead marrying into the man’s family, called yome-iri, and marriages were often arranged by the parents. As recently as 1970, more than 40 percent of Japanese marriages were still pre-arranged, but today   ̶   only 50 years later   ̶   that figure is less than 10 percent.

Traditionally, marriages were categorized into two types according to the method of finding a partner—omiai, meaning arranged or resulting from an arranged introduction, and ren'ai, in which the husband and wife met and decided to marry on their own. The distinction has grown less meaningful over postwar decades as Western ideas of love have infiltrated the culture. Before that feelings of affection had little to do with it.

Selecting the month and date for their wedding, a bridal couple will honor traditions extending back over centuries. There are certain periods of time that are looked upon as propitious   ̶   as well as others to be avoided. As you can imagine, the most popular “in demand” dates translate directly into exaggerated costs based upon the dynamics of supply and demand.

A Japanese wedding ceremony may be Shinto, Christian, Buddhist, or non-religious. Couples choose the style of their wedding ceremony that joins them and also incorporates many rituals that join the two families. The traditional Japanese ceremony is Shinto-style   ̶  Shinto meaning “the way of the gods”   ̶   performed by a Shinto priest and held at a shrine or in a room with a miniature Shinto shrine where couples can perform their marriage vows. The ceremony itself is very formal and usually quite private, with only close family and a few guests present. Sadly, this traditional wedding is becoming less popular with more and more weddings leaning toward Westernization. Some western customs inching their way into Japanese weddings include cutting of the cake and feeding the first bite to each other, exchange of rings, bouquet toss, throwing rose petals and honeymoons. Sometimes, Japanese brides also adopt “something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue.”

Traditional rituals often incorporate items that have strong symbolic meaning. For example, because of its strength and simple elegance bamboo represents both prosperity and purity. Since cranes mate for life, they stand for good fortune, longevity, and peace in the marriage. The mizuhiki knot given at Japanese weddings is often shaped like a crane, symbolizing prosperity and a long life. It’s also traditional to fold golden origami cranes. 

Family is sacrosanct within the Japanese culture, and the parents of the bridal couple are intimately involved in the Shinto marriage ceremony. 

The most popular tradition during such a wedding is the exchange of nuptial cups   ̶   called san san ku do. San means ‘three’ and ku translates to ‘nine.’ So, san san ku do means three, three, and nine. The groom and bride each drink sake three times from three different-sized sake cups called sakazuki. In this they are symbolically exchanging their marriage vows.

Following this is the Seishisojo when the groom reads the words of commitment to the shrine gods before the shrine priest. Both the groom and the bride say their titles aloud to indicate that they agree to abide by this vow, and the couple offers a branch of sakaki, a sacred tree, to the shrine.

Next, their parents take similar sips of sake, sealing the bond between the two families; again, each person taking three sips of sake from each of three cups. The first three sips represent the three couples (bride & groom and their respective parents); the second three sips represent the flaws of hatred, passion, and ignorance; and the last three sips represent freedom from the three flaws.

The reception and after party include a tradition wherein the bride frequently changes outfits, from kimonos to dresses. Some brides change three or four times;  a tradition dating back to the 14th century and symbolizing the bride’s readiness to return to everyday life. 

Grooms usually wear a montsuki, which is a formal black kimono bearing the family crest embroidered in white on both the front and back, a hakama (kimono trousers) and a loose overcoat called haori. The bride will get married in a long white   ̶   and quite heavy   ̶   kimono called a
“shiro-muku,” symbolizing purity and the idea that she will adopt the “color” of her new husband’s family. Her hair is in a bun and a wataboshi, a white silk hood or headdress, is worn over the bun   ̶   representing modesty and humility.  She carries a small purse known as a hakoseko, a small sword called a kaiken and a fan in her obi kimono sash representing her happy future. As mentioned earlier, afterward she may come to the reception in a colorful, embroidered kimono, then change into a Western-style white wedding dress, and then into an evening gown or a party dress.

Contrary to what we’ve seen in other cultures, Japanese wedding receptions are brief   ̶   typically no longer than two hours. Absolutely every aspect of the gathering is carefully orchestrated and choreographed by the wedding “hosts” right down to the announcement of when it is time to leave. 

Reception seating is opposite to that customary in western cultures. There's still a VIP table, but it's filled with the bride and groom's bosses and coworkers. Family and friends aren't seated close to the bridal party at all. Instead, close family and friends take the seats furthest away signifying humbleness to the couple's guests.

During the reception the couple sits on a stage and enjoys speeches and performances from the guests. The bride and groom typically give speeches thanking their parents, formally acknowledging their parents with a gift of flowers, a toast, or a personal letter of love and thanks; sometimes all three.

Things to expect: speeches   ̶   lots of them. Maybe a touching video about the bride and groom. Also, plenty of food, drink, and photo ops. Do not expect a DJ, live band or dancing. They are simply not part of the culture. The formal reception is steeped in cultural tradition. Party-time comes later!

At the end of the reception, the wedding couple toasts all the guests just before cutting the cake, which is traditionally tall and quite large.  Wedding favors given to guests might include chopsticks, folding fans, and sake cups. Guests are expected to give money wrapped in small, beautifully decorated paper packets. This decoration is called mizuhiki.

If you attend a Japanese wedding reception, it is expected that you bring a cash gift in an envelope, called shugi-bukuro. Your name is to be written on the front of the envelope and handed to the person at the reception prior to signing the guestbook. 

After the reception, guests separate by age and most of the younger ones will join the nijikai, meaning after-party. At a different location with even more food and in a significantly more relaxed atmosphere, now the time has come to “party.”

It’s important to understand that there are several things that are just different in Japan when it comes to weddings. To be able to enjoy this unique and exotic experience, you should keep some rules in mind when attending.

1) No “plus one”

Regardless of a person’s marital status, usually guests to Japanese weddings will be invited alone. When receiving the invitation, it’s best to have a close look at whose names are listed, since only the person the invitation is addressed to is invited.

It’s quite common that grooms will only invite their male friends, while brides will send their invitation to only their female friends.

2) Money, not presents

In Japan, it’s very common to give money to cerebrate big events. Weddings are no exception. Exchange rates fluctuate dramatically, but today’s rate is about 108 yen to the U.S. Dollar.

When the wedding season starts some people turn into “goshugi-binbo”. Goshugi, is the money given to the couple in a gorgeous envelope at their wedding ceremony, and should be between 10,000 yen in case of colleagues and at least 30,000 yen or even 50,000 yen ($275 to $500 USD) when attending a friend’s wedding. “Binbo” means poor person, so the two words together simply mean that you should be careful not to become poor by attending too many weddings.

Using new bills is another important aspect of goshugi, since it symbolizes the celebration of a new start and also shows that the guest has prepared himself for the occasion in advance. The amount of money for the marriage gift is preferred to be an odd number, especially the first or second number of the amount. Superstitions run deep!

Expenses for out-of-town guests invited to the wedding are traditionally picked up by either the bridal couple or their parents. While this may, at first blush, seem quite a good deal - - remember you are expected to reciprocate dearly in the goshugi. Conversely, the newlyweds will usually give their guests quite extravagant gift bags to take home. Japanese weddings, while traditionally small, are a serious investment.

3) Colorful envelopes – the bigger the decoration the better

Goshugi-bukuro, the gorgeous envelopes only used for special occasions, can be bought everywhere in Japan and are easily recognizable by the kanji and mizuhiki, strings that are tied around it. They usually come with explanations how to fold them and where to write your name.

In a way, it’s simpler than in European countries, since you don’t have to think of how to express your feelings to the couple, but instead simply show them with a colorful envelope.

4) Whatever you do don't look better than the bride

Japanese are very strict about their dress codes for formal events. While it is quite easy for men (a black suit with a tie of choice – customarily white), but there are a few taboos for women:

!Never wear white.

!Don’t wear excessive colors – a cocktail dress in plain colors is the correct choice. DO NOT outshine the bride!

!No revealing clothes: The skirt should hit right below the knee, shoulders should be covered, at least with a shawl.

!Always wear stockings.

!Small, simple jewelry and plain shoes that go with the dress.

!If it is a Shinto style wedding, you may wear a kimono, which can be rented. However, make sure you wear the right one:  Furisode (kimono with long sleeves) for unmarried women or homongi  (kimono in plain colors with short sleeves) for married women.

5) When it’s over it’s over

As soon as it’s over, gather your belongings, greet the parents on your way out and be gone!

One thing you should definitely prepare yourself for when invited to a traditional, in-country Japanese wedding:  because you're considered a special guest you'll probably be asked to give a speech. The speech doesn’t have to be long, but do not head to the wedding completely unprepared.

The list of resources found at the end of the transcript of this show include fascinating looks into Japanese attitudes over the millennia toward love, marriage and social status.

Finally - - - I promised back at the beginning to share a “whole new approach” to the show resulting in an abbreviated production. While researching Japanese wedding traditions I came across a YouTube video that offers some genuine insights into these beautiful traditions that I felt are simply beyond the ability of mere words to convey. So, I’m now going to share with you the YouTube Internet address (URL) that will share this video. Get a paper and pencil handy. The URL is short and the video itself is only 16 minutes long. But it is special and worth the time and effort to view it. I’ll read the URL quickly first to give you a feeling for its length. Then I’ll repeat it slowly a couple times.

Here is the URL:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJ2WZEIE7X0 

It’s important to note that everything in the URL following the “equal sign” is UPPERCASE     Any letter entered in lowercase after the equal sign will invalidate the URL and you’ll get a failure notice.

And THIS has been Episode 13 of TRADITIONS. Thank you for being a part of this adventure. Unless something dramatic happens to change my plans, Episode 14 of Traditions will jump way back across the ocean again to the land of South Africa - - - - and hopefully we’ll be joined by a special South African guest.

Resources:

https://www.manhattanbride.com/insights/japanese/

https://www.easyweddings.com.au/articles/japanese-wedding-traditions/

https://takelessons.com/blog/japanese-wedding-traditions-z05

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage_in_Japan

https://www.beau-coup.com/japanese-wedding-traditions.htm

https://www.everafterguide.net/japanese-wedding-traditions.html

https://www.japantravel-centre.com/blog/6467/

https://www.theknot.com/content/japanese-wedding-traditions

http://japanology.org/2018/12/differences-to-know-between-japanese-weddings-and-american-weddings/

https://www.insider.com/differences-american-weddings-japanese-weddings-2018-2

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/japanese-wedding-customs

https://www.toki.tokyo/blogt/2015/8/17/traditional-japanese-style-weddings