TRADITIONS

Examining family and cultural traditions and rituals associated with wedding ceremonies; their origin -- variations -- derivation -- ritual -- costume/attire -- history -- nationality

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TRADITIONS

Traditions of France

June 30, 2019 • Tom Hirsch • Season 2019 • Episode 10

TRADITIONS

Podcast Show Notes

Date: Sunday, June 30, 2019

Episode: 010

Title: TRADITIONS

Subtitle: TRADITIONIS of France

Length: 00:24:20

Final Show Link: http://TRADITIONS.buzzsprout.com

In this episode of Traditions we travel to France where they speak “the language of love.” But watch where you step! And don’t ask le garçon to warm up your vichyssoise!

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In this episode we examine the differences between French and American weddings. Some might surprise you - - - others will please you.

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Q. Which French custom was your favorite?

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Episode #: 010

Publication Date: July 1, 2019

Episode Length: 00:24:20

Host: Tom Hirsch

URL: http://TRADITIONS.buzzsprout.com

Show Transcript: www.Your-Special-Day.net/TRADITIONS/

Your Comments: Tom@Your-Special-Day.net

. . . . . . . and welcome to Episode010 of TRADITIONS. Today we’ll return to Europe where, it’s commonly accepted, they speak the “language of love.” Here’s a hint: Intro Music in background – “CanCan”

At the very least, it’s held that people speaking French are the most likely to be saying something romantic. And, France seems to be a quite popular destination because of its beautiful countryside, cuisine, climate and an almost endless selection of gorgeous places to be married.

Thinking back on some of the previous episodes, I admit I struggled a bit with the pronunciation of some of the native language vocabulary. Hopefully, thanks to my years of studying French, I’ll do a better job today.

Contrary to what we’ve seen in some of the other foreign venues, a French marriage proposal and engagement are quite a cause for celebration. Official French wedding celebrations kick off with a fiançailles, a sort of engagement party when the two families spend a night or weekend getting to know one another, celebrating and planning the nuptials! French weddings are less gendered than American and, traditionally, when the bride-to-be receives an engagement ring, she gives her future husband a nice wristwatch.

Furthermore ---- here’s a fact that might give pause to American brides ---- the bride is NOT the center of attention at French weddings! Rather, the focus is on the two families coming together.

As we’ve seen in other European countries, the platoon of bridal attendants simple does not exist either in France. At the maximum you might see perhaps two “witnesses” for each the bride and the groom, and these witnesses can be of either gender or any age. And of course, who can resist the darling little flower girl and ring bearer?

The result of all this is that the French “bridezilla” is a truly rare breed.

Here in the States brides try not to be seen before the ceremony. The French bride, however, following a ritualistic bath intended to wash away any thoughts of previous lives or loves and, usually wearing a classic white wedding dress with a train and veil, is customarily collected from her home by her groom and processed to the wedding venue amid much hoopla, musicians and fanfare, typically led by her father. Along the way children will often block the couple’s path with white ribbons stretched across the road. The bride must cut the ribbons, demonstrating her ability to overcome the obstacles married life might throw at her.

We’ve all heard of a TROUSSEAU and, in fact, the word is a derivative of the French word “trousse,” which can be literally translated to mean a bundle of linens and clothing. Such items would often be personally chosen and embroidered by the bride and her mother with her married initials and then stored in her Hope Chest ---- which will be hand-carved by her father.

Again, as we’ve seen in almost every other country, the wedding ceremony is a two-part function. The French “La Mairie” defers to the legal obligation to be married in a ‘public’ event ---- literally with the doors left open for access by anybody who might want to attend the formal, legal marriage ceremony that MUST be performed by a government official. Theoretically ---- this ‘public access’ includes “leaving the door open” to anyone who might wish to oppose the marriage for whatever reason. This is the only way to be legally married in France. Any religious ceremony performed afterward is purely spiritual and at the option of the bridal couple.

If there is to be such a “church wedding,” as we see here in the States, after all the guests are seated, in Le Cortège the groom will escort his mother to her place of honor at the front of the church; the darling little flower girl and ring bearer will do their thing, and, finally, the bride will make her grand entrance escorted by her father. At this point the similarity departs when the couple is seated on red velvet chairs to exchange their vows.

Departing the church Les Jeunes Mariés (the newly-weds) will customarily be showered by guests with either grains of wheat, rice or flower petals signifying, as is common in so many cultures, prosperity and fertility. Another custom quite common here in the States is the automobile procession from the church to the reception venue complete with drivers giving their car horns a good workout. This tradition dates back to the Middle Ages when many people were married in secret and, in an effort to counteract this, the authorities required weddings to be celebrated as noisily as possible.

It’s not uncommon to find 200 – 300 guests at the “repas de noces” (or wedding meal) that will probably last until sunup the next day.

The French are not without their symbolic wedding traditions. The DRAGÉE is a gift of five pretty, sugar-coated almonds given to each guest symbolizing health, wealth, happiness, longevity and fertility. Must be working, I guess, since France has among the highest birth rates in western Europe.

A French wedding cake is, in fact, not really a cake at all, but rather a pyramid of vanilla cream filled pastry balls called a CROQUEMBOUCHE; a custom dating back to the middle ages when guests would each bring a small cake to be piled high.

There is only one place in the world that produces TRUE champagne from grapes grown in the Champagne region of France following rules that demand, among other things, secondary fermentation of the wine in the bottle to create carbonation, following specific vineyard practices. The French take great pride in this national treasure.

A tradition of Napoleonic heritage was called Sabrage, where a bottle of champagne was opened using a sabre; certainly a romantic, sort of swash-buckling image but definitely NOT for the faint of heart; and a true Frenchman will look with disdain upon such a “barbaric” activity foisted upon a beverage they consider a national treasure! A bit LESS swash-buckling but more common over here ---- “across the pond” ---- is the champagne pyramid. I’ve seen this one done several times. It’s quite common on cruise ships - - - - but only on days of “calm seas” of course!

Three customs shared by both French and American weddings are the Father-Daughter Dance, the Bouquet Toss and the Bride’s Garter. The bride and her father traditionally open the ballroom dance floor together during which the father hands the bride off to her new husband to finish the dance. For most guests their turn on the dance floor arrives somewhere around midnight. The bride’s garter (la jarretière) is auctioned during the wedding dinner and the winning bidder hands the money over to the happy couple before removing the garter from the bride’s leg with his teeth.

During all the merriment leading up to this point, the bridal couple will usually offer a toast to their guests, thanking them for attending, and then it’s open season for whomever might wish to speak.

There’s not a lot of gift-giving at a French wedding. Wedding registries are passé in France. Most couples by far prefer cash donations they may apply toward what is usually a quite extravagant “Le Voyage de Noces” or honeymoon.

If you’re a fan of “La Soupe a l’ Oignon” ---- French Onion Soup (of which I am a BIG fan) it’s commonly served at a French wedding; usually in the early hours of the morning to help guests recover after a long night of partying. French weddings, like so many others on the continent, tend to finish as the sun comes up.

After all this you might expect the bride and groom to be fairly well exhausted. I know I would be! But it’s not unusual for the fired-up guests to visit the couple for what’s called a “chiverie” accompanied by a lot of clanging of pots and pans. The couple is then expected to provide treats and drinks for the revelers before they will finally leave them alone.

In a moment we’ll examine some cultural mores of which you’d never want to run afoul while attending a French wedding. But, first, let’s talk briefly about proper attire for the guests.

Women wear dresses and men wear suits. That’s a “given.” Sometimes the bride and groom ask for a specific dress code — either a level of formality, like black tie or white tie, or a specific color or theme. Many times, the flower girls and ring bearers will be dressed in "fancy, matching" outfits. Witnesses usually wear what they please. It is quite common, and sometimes mandatory, to see women wearing “Kentucky Derby-style” hats. It’s a good idea to check local customs ahead of time.

Here’s a summary of some of the more notable wedding differences between France and the United States.

Brides don’t post photos of their engagement ring in France

Couples like to keep their engagement a secret until they can tell their family and friends personally.

Brides give their grooms jewelry

As I said before. traditionally a bride will give her groom a nice watch in exchange for her engagement ring

You don’t have to RSVP to the actual wedding

If you receive an invitation to the ceremony, it’s assumed you’ll be in attendance

BUT You MUST RSVP to the dinner

An invitation to the ceremony does not assume you’re also invited to the dinner. That invitation is included separately and, given the extravagance and cost of French wedding receptions, it is really gauche NOT to RSVP.

Guests throw their napkins at the bride and groom!

It’s quite difficult to get married in France if you aren’t a citizen.

It’s not impossible. But obtaining permission to have a wedding in France without being a citizen or having a parent live there is very rarely granted.

Guests might be wearing black!

This is one of those cultural things mentioned earlier. Black is NOT a traditional color of mourning as it is in the States.

Learn French table manners before entering the country

Inebriation is frowned upon in France. Pace yourself! Leave your wine glass three-quarters full to indicate you don’t require any more.

It’s considered very bad form to put your hands in your lap at the dinner table. Keep your elbows OFF the table but keep your hands visible!

To indicate you’re finished with your meal place your silverware side-by-side on your plate.

Finally, if you’re leaving your seat but plan to return, leave your napkin on your chair. Leaving it on the table indicates you do not intend to return.

Other petite faux pas to beware of are:

When in France do as the French do: relax, take your time, enjoy the day. There’s no rush!

Service staff in the States depend a lot on gratuities. So, turning the table is in their financial interest. The French are much more laissez faire. To them, handing out the check is akin to rushing you out the door. They’re happy to have you relax and take your time. Go with the flow and enjoy the custom.

Don’t expect 24/7 Shops & Services!

As Dorothy said, “I don’t think we’re in Kanas anymore, Toto!” Or, “When in Rome do as the Romans do!” When traveling in France, check the schedule of your destination before setting out on what might turn out to be a wasted trip.

Don’t Step in the Merde!

The French love dogs and you’ll find them everywhere. Unfortunately, the French are quite blazé about picking up after Fido. I guess the pooper-scooper hasn’t made it across the pond yet! Merde ---- that’s French for doggie “exhaust” (sort of like horse “exhaust” in Central Park) ---- can be found everywhere. Watch your step!

Please Don’t Touch the Produce!

There is an unspoken hands-off policy at the market. Tell the vendor what you want and let them pick it up and present it to you. If you desire a specific item, point --- but DON’T TOUCH!

The Dinner Salad is to Cleanse the Palate AFTER the Meal!

As in much of Europe, a salad is considered a palate cleanser and digestive aide to be enjoyed after the main course has been consumed and before the cheese or dessert has arrived

Don’t Greet Friends or Colleagues with a Hug!

The customary French greeting is the “air-kiss” on each cheek. A good old All-American bear hug is mostly reserved for close family and lovers.

When Invited to a Dinner Party Don’t Arrive With a Bottle of Wine in Hand!

Fine French wine is a matter of national pride. Bringing your own bottle implies your hosts don’t know the proper wine to serve at their own party! Also, let your host do the pouring. Violating such social niceties is akin to “Carrying coals to Newcastle.”

Exercise Extreme Caution Choosing Flowers You Bring to a Dinner Party!

Chrysanthemums are associated with cemeteries, funerals and death in France. Avoid carnations as well. They connote bad luck. Best advice - - - stick with a box of fine chocolates.

Study Up on French Cuisine Before Visiting the Country!

Pity the poor soul who orders steak tartare well done! Or who sends back the vichyssoises to be reheated!

Want Good Service? Treat the Shopkeeper With Respect!

It’s an unfortunate trait of western society to be a bit self-centered. We walk into a place of business and ignore the proprietor. Don’t do it in France. Always acknowledge the host with a crisp bonjour --- better yet, bonjour Madame or Monsieur. And a healthy Merci will work wonders.

Enjoy the French bread ---- but Don’t Ask for a Bread Plate! And Butter is Hard to Come by.

This is akin to the “well done steak tartare.” It just doesn’t happen in France. Forget the butter and put the bread right on the tablecloth. Wait for your meal to be served and enjoy le pain in small bites along with the entrée.

When was the last time you saw French cuisine cover the plate?

Leftovers in a fine French establishment are a rarity. You must not have been very hungry! Leaving food on your plate is considered disrespectful to the cook. And pouring them into a bag to take home adds insult to injury. Eat what you’re served and relish the “deliciousness” of it all.

Remember, Water & Wine are the Acceptable Liquids to Accompany a Meal!

Coffee, tea and soft drinks are gauche! Besides, in a country where wine is king, the fine alcoholic beverage is probably cheaper anyway.

Outro Music in Background ----- Poor People of Paris

As Porky Pig used to say at the end of a cartoon, “C’est tout, mes amis!” “That’s all folks.” I hope you’ve enjoyed this visit with the descendants of Julius Caesar’s Gaul. It’s been fun for me.

In the meantime, . . . . . .

Resources:

https://www.connexionfrance.com/Archive/French-really-is-language-of-love

https://www.frenchbedroomcompany.co.uk/blog/10-french-wedding-traditions

https://www.brides.com/story/what-should-i-expect-at-a-french-wedding

https://www.beau-coup.com/french-wedding-traditions.htm

https://www.completefrance.com/travel/culture-attractions/11-french-wedding-traditions-1-4876185

https://www.insider.com/biggest-differences-weddings-france-america-2018-1

https://www.destinationtips.com/destinations/14-photos-french-faux-pas-things-not-to-do-in-france/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=adwords&utm_content=Dont+Do+France&utm_campaign=ADW001-DST-general-us&mma=kwd-366651618677&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIp6vGqdX44gIVB8DICh3L_QttEAAYAyAAEgLvpvD_BwE