TRADITIONS

Examining family and cultural traditions and rituals associated with wedding ceremonies; their origin -- variations -- derivation -- ritual -- costume/attire -- history -- nationality

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TRADITIONS

Traditions of Israel

April 04, 2019 • Tom Hirsch • Season 2019 • Episode 5

TRADITIONS

Podcast Show Notes

Date: Thursday, April 04, 2019

Episode: 005

Title: TRADITIONS

Subtitle: Traditions of Israel

Length: 00:24:07

Final Show Link: http://TRADITIONS.buzzsprout.com

In this episode of Traditions we visit customs & rituals commonly observed in weddings within the Jewish community.

If you are a new listener to TRADITIONS, we would love to hear from you. Please us an email at Feedback@YourSpecialDay2.com and let us know how we can help you today!

In this episode we discuss:

Breaking the Plate
Shomer & Shomeret
Aufruf
Fasting
Head Coverings
Gender Separation
Bedeken
Ketubah
Chuppah
Processional
Circling
Sheva Brachot
Prayer Shawl
Breaking the Glass
Yichud
Music & Dancing

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Episode #: 005

Publication Date: April 4, 2019

Episode Length: 00:27:04

Host: Tom Hirsch

URL: http://TRADITIONS.buzzsprout.com

Show Transcript: www.Your-Special-Day.net/TRADITIONS/

Your Comments: Tom@Your-Special-Day.net

. . . . . . . and welcome to Episode 5 of TRADITIONS. I diverged a bit in Episode 4 –– talking about premarital counseling. Considering it a “tradition” might have been a bit of a stretch. But I did feel it was important information to share. Judging from audience response, I’m guessing many of you agreed with me. I’ll probably do it again!

Today we are going to concentrate on wedding TRADITIONS and the part of the world selected for this discussion is located on the far eastern shore of the Mediterranean Sea - - - - the country of Israel. Our Jewish brothers and sisters know how to celebrate and have a good time. The Jewish weddings I’ve attended have been fun from the moment you cross the threshold, while thoroughly steeped in culture and symbolic ritual.

And before I go too much further, I’ll take a moment to explain and apologize if some of my poor pronunciation slips into this broadcast. I absolutely understand –– given my last name of Hirsch –– that some folks expect to see me with a black beard wearing a Payot (pie’– ot or pay’– ot) with the ability to speak fluent Hebrew. Not so! I love my Jewish friends and I’m fond of their way of life and have a healthy respect for their culture. But I was born and raised a Roman Catholic and, while my appreciation for Judaism is great, my understanding of the culture and language is minimal. Thus –– I’ve tried to do my homework –– so, hopefully, what follows demonstrates my respect for the traditions we’re going to discuss.

My studies led me to understand there are two major classifications of European Jews: the Ashkenazim, or "Germanics" ("Ashkenaz" meaning "Germany" in Medieval Hebrew), denoting their Central European base; and the Sephardim, or "Hispanics" ("Sefarad" meaning "Hispania" or "Iberia" in Hebrew), denoting their Spanish or Portuguese heritage. According to these same tomes, although the first American Jews were Sephardic, the Jewish ethnic identity most readily recognized in North America today originated in medieval Germany.

Some of the more well-known members of Ashkenazi Judaism were Albert Einstein, Gertrude Stein, Carl Sagan, Steven Spielberg and Scarlett Johansson, along with three current members of the U.S. Supreme Court (Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Stephen Breyer and Elena Kagan).

There are many Jewish wedding traditions to be aware of when planning your special day. We’ll discuss some of the more common ones to help you get started.

Depending upon the depth of your religion and culture, you may wish to incorporate some of these into your wedding. Governed by your subculture and level of orthodoxy, and whether or not you are marrying a fellow Jew, these traditions may be optional or mandatory. You’ll want to be sure to fully review your ceremony with a rabbi to decide the best plan for you, your future spouse and your family—and discuss any reception traditions with your family members as well.

So much for background –– let’s get into the TRADITIONS, starting at the beginning and working all the way through the wedding ceremony. There are sixteen we’ll consider.

1. Breaking the Plate

Just as a broken plate is difficult to mend, brides- and grooms-to-be are never meant to go back to their original status. Thus, to this day, the mothers of the bride and the groom often break a plate as part of the engagement. Following the act, everyone knows both sides of the family are ready to proceed with the marriage and there’s nothing barring the way.

2. The Shomer and Shomeret

A bride and groom are considered, and treated as, a queen and king—not just for the big day, but for the entire week leading up to the wedding. Just as royalty have handmaidens or guards so they are never left alone, a bride and groom should always be with a friend or family member, designated as their shomeret for a woman and shomer for a man. A shomeret or shomer ensures you’re taken care of and keeps you calm and distracted from any prewedding stresses. Who wouldn’t want one?

3. Aufruf

On the Shab–băt’ prior to the wedding, a Jewish couple may partake in an aufruf, which means “calling up” in Yiddish. Here, either the groom or the couple together are called up to recite an Aliyah (A-lee’-ah), or special blessing recited before and after the reading of the Torah. The rabbi then blesses the couple and their impending union. Guests may toss candy to celebrate, and there may be a small reception following.

4. Fasting

As on Yom Kippur ( Yam’ kipoor ) and depending on their beliefs, some Jewish couples fast on the day of their wedding to atone for their sins. The couple may eat again after the wedding ceremony –– typically during the Yichud (yia’–chud). More on that later . . .

5. Head Coverings

At the wedding ceremony, all male guests, Jewish or not, cover their heads with a yarmulke as a sign of respect. Traditionally, married women cover their hair as well, usually with a lace head covering. Etiquette dictates the bridal couple provides the head coverings at the ceremony, so guests don’t have to bring their own.

6. Separate Seating

Men and women may be required to sit separately during the ceremony—and sometimes the reception as well. This is a highly orthodox practice, subject to much discord as recently as the mid-20th century. You may see a partition, called a mechitzah set up to divide the genders. At some receptions there may be separate dancing as well, with either two dance floors, or a mechitza dividing a single dance floor into men and women’s sides.

7. Bedeken

One the most exciting moments in a traditional Orthodox Jewish wedding is the bedeken or veiling ceremony. Often, it’s when the groom may be seeing the bride for the first time. The groom and his male friends and relatives make a joyful procession to the bride, who sits on a throne surrounded by female loved ones. As guests sing and dance, the groom places a veil over the bride’s face. This tradition hails from the story of Jacob, who intended to marry Rachel, but was tricked into marrying her sister, Leah (Genesis 28:10-32:3). So now – Jewish grooms double-check that they are marrying the girl of their dreams.

8. Ketubah

A most important Jewish wedding tradition is the signing of the ketubah, or marriage contract. This signing ceremony is traditionally held shortly before the actual wedding. The couple chooses two witnesses to sign with them. A rabbi and close family members are also present for this important moment. The signed ketubah is frequently displayed during the wedding ceremony.

9. Chuppah

The chuppah, or wedding canopy, is among the most important and widely recognized Jewish wedding traditions. It consists of a cloth (sometimes the Prayer Shawl – discussed later) supported by four poles, which may either stand on their own or be held by wedding party members or honored guests who often process into the ceremony carrying the chuppah; it may be simple or elaborately decorated, depending on the wishes of the couple and their families; and it represents the creation of a Jewish home and a show of hospitality to the assembled guests. During a Jewish wedding ceremony, the officiant and parents of the couple stand with the bridal couple under the chuppah. The best man and maid of honor may also stand under, if desired.

10. The Processional

In Jewish wedding tradition, the processional is a bit different from what you’ll see at a Christian ceremony. After the rabbi, the bride’s and the groom’s grandparents are escorted down the aisle, followed by the groomsmen and best man. The groom is then escorted by his parents, followed by the bridesmaids and maid of honor. Finally, the bride is escorted by both of her parents.

11. Circling

The custom of the bride circling the groom is a part of many modern weddings. Known as the hakafot, during the processional and before the bride reaches the chuppah, she walks in a circle around the groom either three or seven times. The more usual custom of seven circles has many explanations, including that there are seven days in a week and seven aliyot on Shabbat. In addition, "when a man takes a wife" appears in the bible seven times and on Simchat Torah, the Torahs are carried around the synagogue seven times. Lastly, there is a mystical teaching that the bride, in circling seven times, enters seven spheres of her husband's innermost being. One explanation for the basis of circling three times is based on the three times in Hosea 2:21-22 when God, in reassuring Israel, "says": "and I will betroth you unto Me." Another refers to a woman's three basic rights in marriage: food, clothing, and sex. In some instances, the couple circles each other: the bride might circle the groom three times, followed by the groom circling her three times, and then the couple making one circle together. Increasingly, circling is being incorporated into Reform Jewish weddings and even same-sex couples are adapting this ritual for their ceremonies.

12. Sheva Brachot

The sheva brachot are seven blessings recited by the rabbi during the ceremony, one of the most important elements of a Jewish wedding. They are recited over a cup of wine during the latter part of the proceedings, and are usually recited in Hebrew, though they may be translated into English as well. They build in complexity, becoming more expansive in content and theme; and progressively unfold in praise of creation itself, the creation of human beings, the joy of the couple, the establishment of a household, and an ode to joy that links this individual celebration with the time when joy and gladness will be heard in every city and on every hill. It’s believed that each time two people fall in love and marry, the world comes that much closer to perfection. The seven blessings can be found in the full transcript of this show available to you through our web site: https://www.Your-Special-Day.net/TRADITIONS

13. Prayer Shawl

A tallit is used in several ways during a Jewish wedding. A bride may give her groom a tallit as a wedding gift. It may also serve as the cloth portion of the chuppah. And during the final blessings, the couple’s parents may wrap the tallit around the couple’s shoulders as a symbol of unity and being surrounded by love.

14. Breaking of the Glass

Perhaps the most well-know of all Jewish traditions, during the final moments of a wedding ceremony, the groom breaks a glass (wrapped in a cloth to avoid injury!) with his right foot. The couple will then usually kiss, and guests shout “Mazel Tov!” meaning “Congratulations!” There are many conflicting reasons why this Jewish wedding tradition takes place, but it’s most commonly thought of as a reference to the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem and teaches that, in times of joy, we must always be cognizant that life also brings sadness and sorrow; illustrates that, like marriage, it is permanent; warns us that love, like glass, is fragile and must be protected; and helps us remember that the world, too, is broken and that with acts of love, we can help make it whole again. More recently, both members of the couple, including same-sex couples, have chosen to break a glass.

A thorough discussion of the significance behind this tradition can be found at: https://www.chabad.org/

15. Yichud

Yichud refers to seclusion, which takes place immediately after the wedding ceremony. According to tradition, the newlyweds are secluded from their guests for a period of time after the ceremony. At one time, this was where the marriage was consummated, but nowadays, the couple will simply enjoy some quiet time (and food! Remember the fasting!) before greeting their loved ones at the reception.

16. Musical Tribute

As I said at the outset –– if anybody knows how to have a good time at a celebration –– it’s the Jewish community. There are two musical traditions you can almost count on hearing –– well . . . . . one for sure –– at a Jewish wedding reception: the HORA danced to the tune of Hava Nagila. One of the highlights of Jewish wedding traditions, this joyful dance usually takes place either immediately after the newlyweds enter the reception or after the first dance. As the music plays, guests dance in circles and the couple is seated on chairs and hoisted into the air, where they may hold either side of a handkerchief or cloth napkin.

Just in case you’re wondering –– What does Hava Nagila mean?

"Hava Nagila" (Hebrew for "Let us rejoice") is an Israeli folk song traditionally sung at Jewish celebrations. It’s perhaps the first modern Israeli folk song in the Hebrew language that has become a staple of band performers at Jewish weddings and mitzvah celebrations.

Another traditional dance you might see during a reception is the mezinke tanz, which occurs when the last child of a family is married. The parents of the child sit on chairs and the mother wears a floral crown. Guests dance around the parents and congratulate them on the special occasion. The parents are also gifted with ceremonial brooms signifying a “clean sweep” of the house with the last of the children out and on their own. This may be done for the parents of the bride, groom, or both, depending on if they are the last in the family to be married.

If you’d like to read an outstanding thesis on the ritualistic significance of the steps of Jewish betrothal and marriage as they relate to Old Testament teachings and traditions, I refer you to the article titled Jewish Wedding Customs and the Bride of Messiah by Glenn Kay found at this web site: http://messianicfellowship.50webs.com/wedding.html

Now –– let’s spend a few minutes viewing the Jewish wedding from the perspective of an honored guest. If you’re wondering what to expect, follow these tips, and you’re bound to have the time of your life — or at least enjoy the party of a lifetime — as the Israelis know how to do it right.

1. Come HUNGRY

There’s every good chance that you’re going to eat like you’ve never eaten before.

2. Get out your checkbook –– ditch the Hallmark card

The logic behind this is that you’re symbolically paying for your meal. Israelis don’t have the same tradition that Western countries have where the family of the bride pays for the wedding, so your present is more like chipping in and helping the happy couple pay for the grossly expensive party, than giving a personal gift toward their future.

3. Be prepared to see the couple before the ceremony

Forget any superstitions you may be familiar with. Except for devoutly religious couples, Israeli brides and grooms often pose for wedding photos in the afternoon before the ceremony. That means they won’t miss any of the post-chuppah reception, maximizing their dance and party time. Many brides and grooms also show up during appetizers to greet guests, because who doesn’t want to enjoy every part of their own wedding?

4. Prepare for the traditional to meet the untraditional

Religious couples may request that you abide by a modest dress code and their weddings often have gender-separated dancing (and sometimes dining). But you never know what to expect. With Israeli millennials you can count on all kinds of wacky surprises, for instance a formal ceremony followed by a pool party at a villa — keeping it traditional yet casual at the same time.
5. Pucker up, and if you’re not a germophobe, drink from the communal cup

As soon as the groom smashes the glass and the ceremony ends, and it’s not uncommon for the DJ to play a popular modern Israeli song at brain-wringing volume. You also might find yourself trampled by the wave of guests rushing up to the chuppah to kiss the newly married couple.

6. Give your feet a breather and loosen your tie

It’s not uncommon to see one person in a cocktail dress with heels, and another in shorts and flip-flops. Many Israeli grooms don’t even wear a tie or a suit jacket. At the very least, bring along your flip-flops for the dancing. Loosening your tie will help you fit in with the crowd and make you feel more comfortable.

7. Leave your sweet tooth at home

It’s largely because what many Westerners think of as the best part of a wedding –– the cake –– just isn’t a custom here.

8. Get ready to imbibe and leave your cash at home

Drinks are typically served all night, free of charge, and you might even get bottles of soda, wine and maybe even vodka on the table, allowing you to relax and feel like a guest instead of a paying customer lining up to buy watered-down drinks. Just make sure you have a designated driver to help you get home safely at the end of the night, which could end up being quite late.

9. Buy some ear plugs

Carry a pair in your pocket and pop them in when it becomes too much, or else enjoy the ringing in your ears for a full day afterwards.

10. Work on your dance moves

Israeli weddings are all about the dancing. Best brush up on your moves before the big day, and we aren’t talking about the Electric Slide kind. Learn some classic Israeli wedding dances like the Hora and perfect that perplexing go-to Israeli dance move that involves rocking out while alternating lifting your forearms up to chest level, palms open and exposed.

11. Get your smile on

Israeli weddings are big happy family affairs. You won’t find the phrase “no children” on an Israeli wedding invitation (which, by the way, is customarily handed out only a few weeks or days before the wedding). If Israelis do one thing well, it’s unabashedly showing their genuine happiness for their friends and family. Be prepared for a lot of smiles, laughs and good times.

And THAT’s TRADITIONS for today. Thank you so much for being part of the show. We’d truly like to hear from you with your thoughts and ideas about this or any other show – past or future. Send us a note at Tom@Your-Special-Day.net If you’d like a printed transcript of today’s show you may download it at: https://www.Your-Special-Day.net/TRADITIONS or send a request to the FEEDBACK email address I just gave you and I’ll be happy to return the transcript to you immediately. Remember, also, that the Seven Blessings of the Sheva Brachot are included at the end of the transcript. Finally –– click on the subscribe button back where you launched this podcast to be sure you’re notified of new episodes as soon as they’re released.

Resources for this transcript:

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/jewish-wedding-traditions

https://www.myjewishlearning.com/article/who-are-ashkenazi-jews/

https://www.israel21c.org/11-ways-to-survive-an-israeli-wedding/

https://reformjudaism.org/jewish-rituals-wedding-day

http://messianicfellowship.50webs.com/wedding.html

https://www.marthastewartweddings.com/394570/jewish-wedding-traditions-your-big-day?slide=755185

Seven Blessings

We praise You, Adonai our God, Ruler of the universe, Creator of the fruit of the vine.

We praise You, Adonai our God, Ruler of the universe, Creator of all things for Your glory.

We praise You, Adonai our God, Ruler of the universe, Creator of man and woman.

We praise You, Adonai our God, Ruler of the universe, who creates us to share with You in life's everlasting renewal.

We praise You, Adonai our God, who causes Zion to rejoice in her children's happy return.

We praise You, Adonai our God, who causes loving companions to rejoice. May these loving companions rejoice as have Your creatures since the days of Creation.

We praise You, Adonai our God, Ruler of the universe, Creator of joy and gladness, friends and lovers, love and kinship, peace and friendship. O God may there always be heard in the cities of Israel and in the streets of Jerusalem: the sounds of joy and happiness, the voice of loving couples, the shouts of young people celebrating, and the songs of children at play. We praise you, Adonai our God, who causes lovers to rejoice together.