TRADITIONS

Examining family and cultural traditions and rituals associated with wedding ceremonies; their origin -- variations -- derivation -- ritual -- costume/attire -- history -- nationality

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TRADITIONS

Personalize Your Wedding

March 20, 2019 • Tom Hirsch • Season 2019 • Episode 3

TRADITIONS

Podcast Show Notes

Date: Monday, March 18, 2019

Episode: 003

Title: TRADITIONS

Subtitle: Personalize Your Wedding

Length: 00:15:35

Final Show Link: http://TRADITIONS.buzzsprout.com

Episode #3 of Traditions explores a number of creative ways to add pizzazz to any wedding ceremony while making it uniquely your own special day.

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In this episode we discuss:

Observing traditions
Breaking with tradition
Creating new traditions
Having fun at your wedding

Visit our web site for a full transcript of Episode003: www.Your-Special-Day.net/TRADITIONS/

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Q. Share a hilarious moment from your wedding day.

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Episode #: 003

Publication Date: March 20, 2019

Episode Length: 00:15:35

Host: Tom Hirsch

URL: http://TRADITIONS.buzzsprout.com

Show Transcript: www.Your-Special-Day.net/TRADITIONS/

Your Comments: Tom@Your-Special-Day.net

………and welcome to the THIRD episode of TRADITIONS! Today we’ll discuss one of my favorite pre-wedding activities: personalizing the ceremony.

Don’t limit yourself believing the fun part of your wedding day doesn’t begin until the reception starts. If you get a chance, at someone else’s wedding, see if you can sneak a peek during the photo session after the ceremony and before the reception. A good photographer will have the wedding party giddy and laughing. They’ll be having a grand old time “hamming it up” for the camera. This is as it should be. It’s a day of festive celebration. It should be light-hearted and spirited.

While maintaining an air of solemnity, a seasoned wedding officiant will also celebrate the joy of the occasion. This is the day of your dreams –– Your Special Day –– enjoy it for all it’s worth. Inject moments of laughter and abandon you’ll remember for a lifetime.

Remember “Carpé Diem!”? You might ask, “What can we do to Seize the Day?” That answer is “The REST of the Story” in today’s edition of TRADITIONS.

First things first: Assuming you’re not going for a big church wedding with all the trappings, plan your ceremony for about 30 minutes or less. A church wedding with a nuptial mass will last far longer than that. So, you want to keep things moving.

As a wedding guest, it’s always nice to have a program outlining the order of events. This also provides an opportunity to sort of “set them up” for a surprise zinger or two. The program doesn’t have to be elaborate, but it should be nicely printed with a flourish. This is a grand opportunity to include some fun facts about members of the wedding party and other VIPs in attendance; for instance, “Mom and Dad celebrate their 30th anniversary this year.” And don’t overlook fun photos gathered during your courtship.

I’ll share with you a bit of spontaneity that occurred in our wedding. We married in an Episcopal church where two rows of choir pews framed either side of the small sanctuary. During the sermon my bride and I were seated with part of our family to the right, with the balance of our brood facing us on the left. In the arms of one about-to-be daughter-in-law was our infant grandson. As Father Jim began speaking, he wandered over and asked the young mother if he could hold the baby. He proceeded to deliver his sermon carrying Cody all around the front of the church enjoying the antics you would expect from a bundle of joy suddenly thrust into strange surroundings. It was a touching scene that nobody in that congregation will ever forget.

Tradition has it that the groom is not supposed to see the bride until she comes down the aisle, but more and more couples are flaunting tradition in favor of fond memories. One idea for a fun way to start the event is with a brief cocktail hour before the service. This gets everyone talking and getting acquainted. It also provides a buffer for the chronically late arrivals. Don’t forget to include small finger snacks.

I did a 25th anniversary vows renewal ceremony on the beach not too long ago where the ladies all wore a flower in their hair and the gentlemen a boutonniere. They even had a matching boutonniere for me. I was honored to be included in such a gracious manner.

Wedding venues are as varied as imaginations will allow. If you’ve chosen an educational or historic location for your ceremony, why not plan some time for your guests to take a quick tour of the facility. You might even be able to arrange “back-stage” access that most folks never get to see.

Reception venues often support name tag seating tents. The bride and groom can spend some time before the big day writing little personal notes on these tags thanking their guests for being part of their special day.

Children in the wedding party inject an element of frivolity and abandon. Don’t expect too much from your ring bearer and flower girl and you won’t be disappointed. Make it as easy as possible for them to succeed in their assignments, coach them gently, then turn ‘em loose and watch the fun.

Wedding flowers are another opportunity for significance. If your beloved Aunt Rose will be attending, rose bouquets carried by the ladies provide a delightful segue into a comment calling attention to her contribution in your life.

In TRADITIONS Episode 001 we spoke about the Love Notes Ceremony (a.k.a. “The Fight Box”). This can be a fun interlude during your ceremony that offers a small break from the depth of the rituals.

Processional and Recessionals are another area where I’ve seen a variety of departures from the norm. Tradition has it the father of the bride escorts his daughter down the aisle, but there can be a host of exceptions. I’ve seen mother escort daughter; step-father, uncle, godfather, brother, sons and no one at all. At our wedding my wife’s three adult sons took turns escorting their mother each a third of the way down the aisle. Then all three took her hand and placed it in mine. I’m a genuine old “softie,” and this gesture caught me completely off-guard. It was “puddle-up” time!

Processionals don’t always have to be down the center aisle, either. If the venue lends itself, consider using side aisles for a touch of mystique. I’ve seen videos of brides and grooms “boogying” down the aisle together –– sometimes with even the whole wedding party joining in. Remember! It’s a party!

Some really “outside the box” ideas revolve around the aisle runner and the ceremony structure. Rose petals scattered by the Flower Girl are traditional. She should immediately precede the bride since nobody is supposed to tread on those flower petals before the bride. But - - - have you ever seen a framed portrait with a big, wide matting designed to allow guests to write sentimental wishes to the happy couple? How about expanding this idea a hundred-fold and providing a facility for wedding guests to autograph the aisle runner before the bride sees it? It might take her what seems like “forever” to work her way to the alter while trying to read all the messages!

Be creative with a wedding arch and backdrop as well. Ideas abound for the arch. And few scenes are more serene and romantic than a huge body of water behind the alter.

Make time to become well acquainted with your officiant. The more they know about you, your history and family the more able they are to bring meaningful moments into your marriage ceremony. This is especially true when it comes to writing your wedding vows. Rely on your officiant to be a very trusted counselor. They’ve seen and heard it all. Welcome their assistance in making your vows your own and special. This is doubly true if you plan to write your vows in secret, not sharing them with each other until the ceremony itself.

If you’re going to include readings, do so wisely and judiciously. Remember the 30-minute suggestion. Beautiful readings add a lot to a ceremony when performed by someone significant in your life who knows how to accentuate the meaning of the words. But don’t trust a beautiful piece of poetry or prose to an automaton. The entire effect will be lost.

Kristen Klein in an article from BridalGuide.com said, “Although your wedding day is filled with significant moments, the ceremony is the pinnacle of the entire celebration. It's the reason everyone has joined together, and it's more than just a formality.” So, make it all that it can be.

Here are some closing thoughts and deviations from earlier episodes of TRADITIONS.

Anticipate and ask friends and relatives whom you know will not be able to attend the wedding to write “Love Letters” that can be excerpted and read during the ceremony. If you’re technologically savvy, some of these can even be woven into a video displayed either during the ceremony or at the reception.

Expand this idea to include notes from guests in attendance and collect them in a sealed box to be opened at a future significant date –– like your 1st anniversary.

Do a Hand Fasting Ceremony using your child’s baby blanket or bands cut from shirts you both wore on your first date.

When I work a young couple marrying for the first time, I like to turn them to the audience, recite a short speech I’ve written titled “These Are Our Children” and ask the audience to stand while I ask them to promise their enduring love and support for the new family being created today.

You can expand wedding vows in a blended family by including the children of each partner, asking them questions such as the following and having them respond, “I Do.”

“Do you promise to love your mother and her new husband?”

“Do you promise to support their marriage and your new family?”

“Do you promise to accept the responsibility of being their children and to encourage them, support them, and accept them?”

Speaking of blended families, a great variation on a theme presents itself when a Jewish/Irish Catholic couple wed. I’ve read of a wine ritual using a Kiddush Cup and an Irish Loving Cup. The officiant can speak to the deep significance of the ceremony. Another variation has the bride’s Jewish father blessing the wine in Hebrew followed by the groom’s father reading the English translation. This is truly inclusive.

Particularly effective is the Reverse Unity Candle where the bride and groom each light a taper from a single pillar candle. They then pass the flame on to their wedding party who, in turn, pass among the congregation passing the flame to all people in attendance. The effect is compelling at an evening ceremony when the lights are dimmed.

That’s enough for one day. As you can tell - - - the ideas are endless. Be creative. Think outside the box. Work with your officiant, wedding coordinator and photographer to make Your Special Day the memory of a lifetime. As they say, “You only go around once in life, so grab for all the gusto you can!”

That’s TRADITIONS for today. I hope you’ve enjoyed listening as much as I have preparing today’s show. Send your thoughts, ideas and comments to FEEDBACK@YourSpecialDay2.com and visit our web site www.Your-Special-Day.net for a transcript of this episode that will include links to the source articles providing inspiration for our discussion.

Resources:

https://www.brides.com/gallery/wedding-ceremony-ideas-how-to-personalize

https://www.bridalguide.com/planning/wedding-ceremony-traditions/wedding-ceremony-rituals?page=2

https://www.weddingwire.com/wedding-ideas/20-ways-to-personalize-your-wedding-ceremony